Dossontjap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered fairy.

Dossontjap created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dossontjap, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dossontjap, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dossontjap's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Dossontjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not hurt sheep.

5. Do not chop down trees.