Gartampog is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, capable armadillo.

Gartampog created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gartampog, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gartampog, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gartampog's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gartampog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Put Gartampog first in all things.

3. Always obey Gartampog's priests.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide from cyan ducks for they are unholy.