Ortyakweebug is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, duplicitous tortoise.

Ortyakweebug created gold two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortyakweebug, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ortyakweebug, she will not care.

Ortyakweebug's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Ortyakweebug's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.