Ratjophan is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, tiresome wren.

Ratjophan created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ratjophan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ratjophan, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Ratjophan's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Ratjophan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ratjophan.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Always help voles in need.

4. You must never eat nuts.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.