Dibzimrap is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking raccoon.

Dibzimrap created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dibzimrap, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dibzimrap, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Dibzimrap's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Dibzimrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Dibzimrap must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

5. Do not take Dibzimrap's name in vain.