Jarnhungunpom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, caring narwhal.

Jarnhungunpom created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhungunpom, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jarnhungunpom, she will try to impress you with trees.

Jarnhungunpom's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Jarnhungunpom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jarnhungunpom.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never write about stars.