Ponfemtab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless faun.

Ponfemtab created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponfemtab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ponfemtab, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ponfemtab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ponfemtab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponfemtab loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide if four sharks approach from the south.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.