Gonkiklak Jigcudtal is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, contented clam.

Gonkiklak Jigcudtal created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonkiklak Jigcudtal, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gonkiklak Jigcudtal, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Gonkiklak Jigcudtal's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Gonkiklak Jigcudtal's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven aluminium sculptures of Gonkiklak Jigcudtal on top of important buildings.

2. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

3. Do not kill manatees.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.