Ladgamsug Metditnak is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless turtle.

Ladgamsug Metditnak created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladgamsug Metditnak, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ladgamsug Metditnak, she will think nothing of it.

Ladgamsug Metditnak's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ladgamsug Metditnak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight silicon sculptures of Ladgamsug Metditnak on top of important buildings.

2. Never mention monkeys.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always take life seriously.