Vagyokgat is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid elephant.

Vagyokgat created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagyokgat, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vagyokgat, he will destroy your favourite star.

Vagyokgat's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Vagyokgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Vagyokgat on top of all buildings.

3. Always look after injured swans.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Fast once a month.