Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, vain mongoose.

Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest created a strange quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest, she will turn you into a tree.

Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet mauve.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest.

4. Hanmatveennibladxem Gutbest must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.