Pontitveg is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, caring aardvark.

Pontitveg created the cosmos three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pontitveg, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pontitveg, it will ignore you.

Pontitveg's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Pontitveg's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. You must pray to Pontitveg five times a day.

3. Never think ill of sick ants.

4. Never feed peas to cats while wearing black stockings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.