Ciptargan is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, narcissistic hedgehog.

Ciptargan created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ciptargan, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ciptargan, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ciptargan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ciptargan's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of hamsters.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Ciptargan.

3. Hide from green turtles for they are unholy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray immersed in water.