Appparkdim is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, uncaring owl.

Appparkdim created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Appparkdim, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Appparkdim, he will remove you from existence.

Appparkdim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Appparkdim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never think ill of sick badgers.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Feed all hungry cats.