Yakafmut is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, staggering beaver.

Yakafmut created a bottom quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakafmut, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yakafmut, it will turn you into a mouse.

Yakafmut's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Yakafmut's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat aubergines.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never wear skirts.