Stannartvan Quarttenhud is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, confident aardvark.

Stannartvan Quarttenhud created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stannartvan Quarttenhud, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stannartvan Quarttenhud, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Stannartvan Quarttenhud's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Stannartvan Quarttenhud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Stannartvan Quarttenhud.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.