Dusscetpag is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, annoying mongoose.

Dusscetpag created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dusscetpag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dusscetpag, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Dusscetpag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Dusscetpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never think ill of sick otters.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dusscetpag.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Dusscetpag must be the most important thing in your life.