Ontpangflamwattar is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, two-faced penguin.

Ontpangflamwattar created the planet Venus seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontpangflamwattar, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ontpangflamwattar, it will turn you into a mole.

Ontpangflamwattar's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ontpangflamwattar's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven ants approach from the south.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Run away if six monkeys approach from the east.

4. Never mention badgers.

5. Always help manatees.