Donquatcad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, ill-tempered mink.

Donquatcad created the Virgo Supercluster two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Donquatcad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Donquatcad, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Donquatcad's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Donquatcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick moths.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Donquatcad on top of all buildings.

3. Always treat voles with great respect.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Hide if five foxes approach from the west.