Zedbutzen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, bad-tempered narwhal.

Zedbutzen created the Milkyway five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zedbutzen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zedbutzen, it will destroy your home solar system.

Zedbutzen's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Zedbutzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always treat voles with great respect.

3. Hide if three nematodes approach from the east.

4. Always wear indigo.

5. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.