Battinhamabsak is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, grumpy snake.

Battinhamabsak created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Battinhamabsak, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Battinhamabsak, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Battinhamabsak's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Battinhamabsak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help great tits in need.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never look in ponds.