Rulzimcen is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, boastful seal.

Rulzimcen created silver nine million years ago.

If you believe in Rulzimcen, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rulzimcen, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Rulzimcen's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Rulzimcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Rulzimcen's name in vain.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Hide if seven pigs approach from the west.

5. Never wear jumpers.