Laplipcum is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, ruthless armadillo.

Laplipcum created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Laplipcum, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Laplipcum, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Laplipcum's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Laplipcum's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never mention mites.