Fonnultarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unfair grasshopper.

Fonnultarp created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonnultarp, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fonnultarp, he will try to impress you with trees.

Fonnultarp's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Fonnultarp's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven sharks approach from the north.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed tomatoes to dolphins while wearing white corsets.

4. Never run in the presence of geese.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.