Nullanzaktimbep is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, uncaring gorilla.

Nullanzaktimbep created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nullanzaktimbep, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nullanzaktimbep, she will turn you into a hamster.

Nullanzaktimbep's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nullanzaktimbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. You must never eat rice.

3. Hide from pink squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Do not kill manatees.

5. Never pour water over plants.