Catlamgud is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, astonishing parrot.

Catlamgud created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catlamgud, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Catlamgud, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Catlamgud's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Catlamgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Catlamgud.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always pray immersed in water.