Lapquimjad is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, merciless dolphin.

Lapquimjad created silver five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapquimjad, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lapquimjad, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lapquimjad's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Lapquimjad's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Lapquimjad's priests.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. You must love Lapquimjad.

5. Never wear yellow tights.