Fagvadkam Yognak is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, irritating scorpion.

Fagvadkam Yognak created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagvadkam Yognak, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fagvadkam Yognak, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Fagvadkam Yognak's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Fagvadkam Yognak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about stars.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.