Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, idiotic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Quimruljam Tigsagquill Larg's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt tapirs.

2. Do not kill snakes.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never bounce in holy places.