Titdotpit Tabfligdag is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, omniscient monkey.

Titdotpit Tabfligdag created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Titdotpit Tabfligdag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Titdotpit Tabfligdag, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Titdotpit Tabfligdag's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Titdotpit Tabfligdag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

2. Run away if eight goats approach from the east.

3. Doves are not to be trusted.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.