Vagtofzut is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, charitable gerbil.

Vagtofzut created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagtofzut, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vagtofzut, it will turn you into a puffin.

Vagtofzut's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vagtofzut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black dolphins, for they are unholy.

2. Never think about planets.

3. Always help sick aardvarks.

4. Do not wear red clothing.

5. Never look at galaxies.