Jonrat is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-knowing monkey.

Jonrat created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonrat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jonrat, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jonrat's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jonrat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Jonrat loves foxes, so they must be respected.

5. Never laugh near sharks.