Mappas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered yak.

Mappas created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Mappas, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Mappas, it will come to you in dreams.

Mappas' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Mappas' Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always look after injured birds.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Mappas on top of all buildings.