Nurlinben is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, irritating aardvark.

Nurlinben created the Virgo Supercluster three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlinben, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nurlinben, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nurlinben's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Nurlinben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Nurlinben must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect four nickel sculptures of Nurlinben on top of important buildings.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.