Loopjonfun is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, humorless gorilla.

Loopjonfun created the Small Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopjonfun, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loopjonfun, it will think nothing of it.

Loopjonfun's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Loopjonfun's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Loopjonfun.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.