Lagzagbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, uncaring hamster.

Lagzagbeg created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagzagbeg, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lagzagbeg, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Lagzagbeg's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Lagzagbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. You must pray to Lagzagbeg six times a day.

3. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Fast once a month.