Jopcunmum is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unfair jellyfish.

Jopcunmum created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopcunmum, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jopcunmum, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jopcunmum's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Jopcunmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured gulls.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.