Van is a god.

It takes the form of a large, cheerful goat.

Van created an up quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Van, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Van, it will turn you into a goat.

Van's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Van's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Do not run in public.