Arpvogbogdidstan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, tiresome cow.

Arpvogbogdidstan created a down quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpvogbogdidstan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpvogbogdidstan, he will not care at all.

Arpvogbogdidstan's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Arpvogbogdidstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always help pigs in need.