Dogdamdog is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, thoughtless unicorn.

Dogdamdog created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogdamdog, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dogdamdog, it will turn you into a plant.

Dogdamdog's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Dogdamdog's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Dogdamdog on top of all buildings.

2. Run away from yellow great tits, for they are unholy.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always obey Dogdamdog's priests.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.