Zumyostcen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unthoughtful hippopotamus.

Zumyostcen created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zumyostcen, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zumyostcen, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Zumyostcen's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Zumyostcen's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Ants are not to be trusted.

3. Always treat badgers with great respect.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Zumyostcen on top of all buildings.

5. Never pour water over plants.