Teenyamjig is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, duplicitous frog.

Teenyamjig created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenyamjig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Teenyamjig, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Teenyamjig's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Teenyamjig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Teenyamjig must be the most important thing in your life.