Hamhiv is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing scorpion.

Hamhiv created everything that exists two million years ago.

If you believe in Hamhiv, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hamhiv, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Hamhiv's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hamhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hamhiv.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Erect six titanium sculptures of Hamhiv on top of important buildings.

4. Do not hurt shrews.

5. Worship no other gods but Hamhiv.