Pakparkwap is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, humorless dryad.

Pakparkwap created life nine million years ago.

If you believe in Pakparkwap, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pakparkwap, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Pakparkwap's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Pakparkwap's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat manatees with great respect.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not drink alcohol.