Sasvonwik is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, vain centaur.

Sasvonwik created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sasvonwik, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sasvonwik, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Sasvonwik's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Sasvonwik's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Sasvonwik three times a day.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not wear iron on your body.

4. Never bounce in the presence of turtles.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sasvonwik.