Tadshavhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, vain ant.

Tadshavhiv created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tadshavhiv, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tadshavhiv, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tadshavhiv's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tadshavhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never feed limes to great tits while wearing white dresses.

5. Never pour water over plants.