Gatmabdag is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, merciful hyena.

Gatmabdag created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Gatmabdag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gatmabdag, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Gatmabdag's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gatmabdag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Retreat if four geese approach from the east.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never run in the presence of frogs.

5. You must love Gatmabdag.