Funcetlitlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent jellyfish.

Funcetlitlarg created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Funcetlitlarg, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Funcetlitlarg, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Funcetlitlarg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Funcetlitlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple otters for they are unholy.

2. Always treat eagles with great respect.

3. Funcetlitlarg loves birds, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never think ill of sick monkeys.