Fitbifzod Bigsafben is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unjust walrus.

Fitbifzod Bigsafben created the planet Earth eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitbifzod Bigsafben, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fitbifzod Bigsafben, he will torture you forever.

Fitbifzod Bigsafben's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Fitbifzod Bigsafben's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always treat sharks with great respect.

4. Fitbifzod Bigsafben loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

5. Never feed cherries to great tits while wearing green ear rings.