Afwikfen is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, cheerful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Afwikfen created carbon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Afwikfen, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Afwikfen, he will turn you into a duck.

Afwikfen's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Afwikfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured shrews.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.